The Truth About Celia

The horridness of the paranormal romance I am reading. the HORRIBLENESS. (I suffer so you don't have to. Until I find the sample chapter online.)

He's a werewolf, posing as an overgrown german shepard drug dog to check out a dirty police station (It's supernatural corruption, possibly a witch or vampire, so he can smell it on the other cops). In a particularly bad part of the book thus far, he has to report in on what's up with the station to his boss, so he turns into a human *IN HIS (female) HANDLER'S BEDROOM* Just so he can check her out while she's sleeping, I guess, cause you know, if she woke up and there was a strange man in her room, she'd be fine with it, and not shoot him and wonder why her dog didn't rip his throat out.

Oh, and the background/politics/etc in this book is that werewolves were created by merlin to keep an eye on arthur and his court, who are all immortal vampires in charge of keeping humans out of too much trouble. and protect them from the bad vampires, who then show up in the story as well. And the werewolf's sister is married to the King of Fairies. Oh, and Arthur and his court don't know the werewolves existed, because if they did, they'd hunt them down and kill them all! (You'd think that wanton genocide would be against the rules of being good, but apparently Merlin doesn't have your sort of faith in the goodness of Arthur.) oh, and so the good vamps stay good and don't go off drinking humans dry or anything like that, half of the court is vampires and the other half are feeders, so Gwen gets a headache if Arthur hasn't had a drink in a while.

(clearly, I'm missing all the backstory in the first book where it would make sense....)

oh, and merlin was an alien.

And I'm only 50 pages in, so there's *plenty* of space for the backstory. Actually, I'm not sure that there was much in this story so far that wasn't backstory. Oh, and there's a bad werewolf too, and he's teamed up with the bad vampire, and they just went off to new york via a portal to visit the rest of the bad vamps and plot world domination or something.

Best line so far: "There was just something about kicking in some asshole's door and dragging him off to jail. Much as he loved painting, art just didn't carry the same hot, physical rush."

(hah! Found the sample chapter online. Why are all the really really really horrible ones always available online? Warning: Contains horrible pictures of fake humans. )

Tags: bad cover art, i suffer so you don't have to